How to Not Wrestle a Wiggly, Dirty Baby, Increase Opportunities for Greater Success, + Building Independence in the Playpen
Lessons With L: Entry 1
Reflections on how my son is teaching me, a behavior analyst, what behavior strategies work best for him. This is a start of a series I aim to share frequently as I learn to adapt my knowledge to support his individual needs throughout his development.
I once saw a quote that said something like this: The child is truly the best teacher in parenthood. It’s such a good reminder that every child is different, and each will communicate what they need from you in one way or another. Every day, L shows me that he’s the real expert in what works for him. It’s my job to take notice and respond appropriately, setting up an environment that’s conducive to his learning as he continues developing more and more skills.
Here is my first set of reflections through a behavior analytic lens:
1. How to Not Wrestle a Wiggly, Dirty Baby
L is 7 months old and so, so mobile. Since he was 4 months, he’s been rolling, and now, sitting and even trying to stand—mid-diaper change. If you’re like me and don’t want to wrestle a wiggly, dirty baby, here’s what has worked for us:
Make Yourself More Interesting
In our field, there’s this saying: “Behavior goes where reinforcement flows.” We call this the Matching Law. Basically, we all choose to engage in the behavior of greater value to us. For L, at the changing table, that’s usually anything but lying still.
To compete with his need to move, I started singing to him, making silly faces, playing peekaboo—whatever it took to grab his attention. For a while, I became more interesting than rolling or standing up, and that kept him still long enough for me to change him!
Give Him a Job
When L started grabbing things, I gave him something to hold during diaper changes. And let me tell you, he looked so proud—like, yes, I have a very important job here. This is still working great for us.
I switch up the items now and then to keep it interesting and make a big deal about it with eye contact and praise. The trick here is that he can’t roll, sit up, or stand while holding an object and I’m focusing on and reinforcing the incompatible behavior, holding, instead. In behavior terms, this is called differential reinforcement of incompatible behavior. It also gives him something fun to do that makes the wiggling less appealing.
2. Increase Opportunities for Greater Success
In other words, practice makes progress. L has been pulling to stand since last month, and now he can do it with minimal to no support. Sometimes, he’ll just squat and stand right up. Like excuse me? Who told you you could grow so fast?
L has loved floor time since he was about 2 months old, so we leaned into it. We made sure to carve out plenty of time each day for him to be on the floor, and he used that time to practice and build his skills, while we prompted and gradually guided as needed. His determination (we can’t take credit for) has been amazing to watch, and we always showered him with praise for his efforts, even through tears of frustration.
In our field, we talk about the importance of contriving learning opportunities rather than waiting for natural opportunities to arise to truly work on a skill. Standing, as a physical skill, is not something we’d typically address in ABA services, but let’s take self-advocacy as an example. If we, as providers, waited on natural opportunities to arise to work on self-advocacy for a client, we’d likely see little to no progress. However, contriving situations (e.g., in a role play format, or pretending to skip their turn in a live game, etc.,) where the client can practice the skill promotes increased competence in likely less time. And, of course, when natural opportunities arise, the goal is for the client to generalize what was practiced, with support as needed.
3. Building Independence in the Playpen
The other day, I had a supervision session while Dad was out, so I decided to see how L would do in his new playpen. I set him up with some high-value toys that he hadn’t seen in a while and stayed nearby, sitting right next to the pen.
The goal was to make being separated from me feel interesting enough to sustain his attention but still safe. I aim to only give him access to these high-value items when I need him in the pen during times I can’t give him my undivided attention. I don’t plan on giving him access to them outside of that. It’s the same idea I share with parents when they’re potty training: save the really exciting stuff for those moments to make it special, and your child will likely enjoy working on the target skill more than they did at baseline.
I commented on his play here and there to maintain some connection (see my explanation about the attention cup in my post, Reframing Defiance) and made sure he could see me. He did pretty well until about 10 minutes before I finished when he started to fuss. Not a bad baseline, considering he was in the pen for an hour!
Moving forward, I’ll practice this more with shorter tasks, like folding laundry just outside the pen, and gradually increase the time and distance I’m away. That way, I can expect him to feel more comfortable and safe in his pen and build his independence over time. It’s important to note that this will be a systematic change, and I can’t expect him to tolerate extended periods of time without me acknowledging him, especially with parental connection being the greatest value reinforcer at this young of an age.
These moments with L have been incredible learning opportunities for me, both as a new mom and a behavior analyst. I hope these reflections help you see that even the smallest changes can make a big difference in supporting your child’s growth. Stay tuned for more as I continue learning from my best teacher—L. ❤️
Disclaimer:
Every child is unique, and their responses to strategies may vary. The approaches outlined are intended to provide general guidance and may not work for every child or situation. It’s important to observe your child’s individual needs and preferences and adjust strategies accordingly.
Additionally, frequent or unexpected behaviors may sometimes be related to underlying medical conditions. Before implementing behavioral supports, consult with a pediatrician or healthcare provider to rule out medical issues such as pain, illness, or developmental concerns.
These strategies are not a substitute for individualized professional medical or behavioral advice. If challenges persist, consider seeking support from a behavior analyst (that’s me!), therapist, or other qualified professional.
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